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They say it takes a BIG person to Forgive

They tell you to Forgive and Forget, they tell you to forgive your brother 7 times 70 times( that’s 490 times!)  What it seems like they NEVER tell you is HOW to forgive someone and really WHY you should.  I could explain that you are commanded to forgive on a Biblical level ( see those 490 times) but the truth of the matter is most of you either know that already or that doesn’t have relevance in your life.  Regardless of the WHY you will forgive I want to talk about What forgiving is going to do for you and hopefully give you some tips on HOW to forgive someone, even when you REALLY , REALLY, R.E.A.L.L.Y don’t want to!

Why should you forgive:

Forgiveness really isn’t at all about the other person, forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. In the body there are 2 different types of stresses ( Eustress – good, Distress-bad)  and by holding on to resentment, grudges, and disaccord you are actually making a nasty brew of internal DISTRESS.  Do I really have to explain how stress can make you tired, sick and thereby cause you MORE stress?  Yes it’s a vicious stress cycle and you want off that ride as quickly as possible.

Many people hesitate to forgive someone because they feel like it gives that person a “free pass” . That’s simply not the case.  Reconciliation does that.  Forgiveness simply releases you of the responsibility for another’s actions. By holding a grudge you are continuing to punish yourself for something someone else did: you focus your attention , anger, time, energy and a slew of other expenditures dwelling on something you can not change . Stop.  It’s your time and energy you are wasting , not theirs.

How to Forgive someone, when you really don’t want to

Holding on to a grudge makes us feel, in a sense, that we are doing something to the person who wronged us.  If this were the case it would be fine to go ahead ..heck they deserved it, right !  But really your lack of forgiveness probably doesn’t affect the other person much at all , at least not as much as it negatively affects you .  To start the process of forgiveness is to take action . Even if the person will not acknowledge their part in wronging you make sure they know how you have been hurt . In a letter or face to face put their sin against you in front of them.  Sometimes this has surprising results in that that person didn’t even KNOW they had hurt you . Sometimes a sincere apology will wipe away the grudge , sometimes you don’t get one ..no matter.

Next turn all that energy you were using hating the other person on helping someone else.  Take the space they occupied in your mind and fill it with a positive.  Light always overcomes darkness, it’s just nature !  By filling your time doing good and purposefully feeling HAPPY you won’t have time for negativity or unforgiveness .

I am always amazed at how quickly some people can forgive people that have committed horrible injustices against them , and I think how STRONG they are .  You can be that strong too, it’s simply a choice.  A grudge has no weight , neither does your past; do not allow it to be something more than it is.  Choose to love something instead of hate something else.

I am not saying you’ll forgive overnight but you will shift into forgiveness mode.  You’ll become more positive, and the negative cycle of unforgiveness will lift from your life.  Things will get easier and more positivity will play into your daily dealings with other people, who will also treat you more positively.  Remember always that forgiveness is for your benefit and reconciliation is for your offender’s benefit and NOT your responsibility.  If you are holding a grudge take action to let it go in the new year , you’ll be really happy you did!

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Hoping your New Year is full of Joy and Peace